


A Calculated Risk

by lobsterMatriarch



Series: Stories From Under The Sink [2]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Awkwardness, Established Relationship, First Dates, Multi, Polyamory, Semi-Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 03:00:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7917868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lobsterMatriarch/pseuds/lobsterMatriarch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So tell me about this crush."</p>
<p>This can be read independently, but makes more sense in the context of the series it's part of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Calculated Risk

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry, the first time I posted this I used an unfinished draft and I'm mortified. So I deleted and reposted rather than let any evidence of it potentially survive.
> 
> Even if it's not necessarily that different.
> 
> After 200 years in stasis and a brand new, mostly healthy relationship, Nora has to make some choices about the kind of person she wants to be.

The first time Nora noticed it, she wasn’t in any place to comment. Her heart was still sore with residual anger and despair, her mind was clouded, she couldn’t be trusted to act on personal affairs like this. She’d made an ass of herself all over his lap and her first trip to the Institute still stung raw in her memory, it made sense that she’d be too sensitive to jealousy, sensitive to anything that could potentially indicate rejection.  
  
There they had been, two of them sitting together, Hancock’s fingers laced through Nick’s, and of course Nora saw romance in it. Some days she would try to talk herself out of the image, insist it was a trick of the light or a friendly act of comfort. Some days she’d use it to remind herself that she was trash, too far gone into misery for someone like Hancock to ever care about. Nick was good, kind, thoughtful, always seeing the best in others even after he’d been proven wrong so many times before. He’d put himself at risk without hesitation if it helped a friend, and he was old-world charming to boot. Who would ever look twice at her if Nick was an option?  
  
She’d look back in rage or sorrow and remember that moment, smaller than her glaring failure to protect her son but a new hurt all the same. Hancock and Nick, hand in hand, the weight of the world on their shoulders but able to face it together.  
  
Maybe she was imagining things, or maybe she wasn’t. It didn’t bode well for her either way, but at that point she needed to focus, and she was sure that any questions she asked about their relationship would only make things worse.

* * *

  
  
Nora noticed it again weeks later, but it was easier to brush off that time. She was the one who woke next to Hancock in the mornings now, all bad breath and sleepy smiles with fingers still mapping out bare, new skin. As soon as he knew it was safe to do he split himself open for her, all grabbing hands and wide smiles, the pressure of affection built up and spilling over and Nora all too ready to accept it.  
  
So when she noticed Hancock watching Nick just a little too long and with a bit too much longing, it didn’t eat at her the way she thought it would.  
  
The moment from before lingered, still a question unanswered. Pre-war men didn’t hold hands as friends, which was an incredible loss on their part, but pre-war men didn’t use bottle caps as currency or dose themselves with Radaway in the morning, either. 200 years of society under duress meant rapid cultural evolution, the anthropology major in Nora would say, and wouldn’t it be nice for that evolution to be positive for once?  
  
But then there was also the history. Nora was certain there was something between the two of them that she was missing, romantic or not, and it bothered her that she couldn’t figure it out. Nick, good friend that he was, he always gave whatever information she wanted without her even needing to ask, so prying for any more than he wanted to give seemed cruel at this point.  
  
No, she wasn’t going to pry it out of Nick, but Hancock was another story. Hancock who shivered if she traced her fingers down his spine, Hancock who scratched to blood with blunt nails if she bit him just right, Hancock who would stubbornly insist on pretending to be asleep until she kissed him awake like a fairytale princess.  
  
Nora might not be able to read him at a glance, but getting information out of Hancock wasn’t the challenge it used to be.

* * *

  
  
It was late when she returned to Sanctuary, far too late for most but just late enough that Nora was sure she’d have the privacy she needed. She bid goodnight to Dogmeat with a loving scratch behind the ears before sending him for some much needed rest. The town around her was mostly still, a few sparse figures still making their way out of the bar under the fluorescent glow of neon lights and nuclear starlight.  
  
Even in the dark, she still had no trouble picking his silhouette out from the shadows.  
  
“Hey, you,” she murmured, sneaking up from behind to cover his eyes. “Long time no see.”  
  
She could feel his cheeks turn in a smile. “Missed you, sunshine.”  
  
“I’ve barely been gone a day, you know.” She tilted his hat forward, freeing space to plant a kiss just behind his ruined ear. “You keeping out of trouble?”  
  
“’S best I can. Makes things real fucking boring, you know that?”  
  
“Mmm.” She pulled back as he turned, always just out of reach. “You’ve mentioned. I’m sure you can find other ways to keep busy without me, though, right?”  
  
“Nothin’ near as fun as what I can get up to with you.”  
  
She circled him, the picture of innocence they both knew she didn’t have, and he was every inch a house cat waiting for the best moment to strike. His leer sent shivers down her spine, but she needed to play with him first.  
  
“Nothing at all? Really?”  
  
He stepped closer, slipping his arm around her waist, but as he moved in for a kiss she still twitched deftly to the side. Nora always liked to pretend that she didn't enjoy these games, but that would never be true.  
  
“Come on, now,” she said. “I know you can’t spend all your time just waiting for me to get back.”  
  
He was always so quick, his hand creeping from its place on her side, sliding over her ass to slip between her thighs. With a sharp pull, he had her against his chest.  
  
“You’d be surprised.” He growled in her ear.

She had to be careful, or he’d regain the upper hand and have her naked against the empty bar in no time. If only that didn’t sound so damn appealing.  
  
“Come on, I know you’ve started making friends here.” She did her best to ignore the warmth spreading between her legs, keeping her voice steady even as his fingers slipped over her ass and between her legs. “You telling me you and Nick can’t pass one day without me around?”  
  
It was risky, going in directly like that, but it seemed like it was going to pay off. Hancock barely noticed, his fingers pausing only to spread her open through the fabric.  
  
“We get by, if we have to.” He was playing with the zipper of her vault suit already, quickly scanning the streets for stragglers and pleased when he found none.  
  
“Both of you?”  
  
He kissed along her jaw, pausing when she turned just before he met her lips. “You askin’ for a reason?”  
  
She waited, counting just the right number of seconds before kissing him fully. He relaxed, his hand pulling from her legs to tangle in her hair as she caught his ruined lower lip between her teeth.  
  
“I can see the way you look at him,” It wasn’t an accusation, just an observation whispered between lovers. “And I saw you holding hands.”  
  
He stilled, pulling back from dangerous territory. “You saw that?”  
  
She nodded. His heard thudded under his ribs, pulsing just below her hand by his neck.  
  
“…shit was complicated back then.” He said after deliberation. “I mighta had a crush, or something like it. But you know damn well I don’t look at him like I look at you.”  
  
“I know.” She kissed him again.  
  
He pulled back. “I love you like I never loved anyone else. You know that, right?”  
  
“I—ah,” she gasped as he pulled her forward, rubbing her against his thigh. “I know.”  
  
“Promise me.”  
  
“I promise.” She was already busy with the straps of her armor, letting it drop so he could ease the rest of her suit from her shoulders.  
  
Before the war, Nora had been a jealous woman. It was what she had been told to be, raised to be, grown to understand from every romance novel she ever read. Marriage was finite, the lines surrounding the gender of it only barely blurring before the bombs dropped, and if Nate looked twice at anyone else she would ignore her trust for him, ignore their bond and the band around his finger, and get angry.  
  
But before the war, Nora would never be stripped naked behind an empty bar, knee hooked over a man’s shoulder while his tongue drove wet circles around her clit. Funny how things change. She’d certainly never drag him from his knees, never demand that he fuck her before she loses her mind, never press her searing skin to cold metal paneling while he bottomed out inside her. She’d never want anyone to cover her mouth to hide the noise, never trap the scarred fingers between her lips just to hear the animal growl it would draw from their owner.  
  
“Fuck, sunshine—“  
  
Hancock pressed his forehead to her shoulder, desperate and clinging to her with force to bruise. She could feel the hum of his voice through his skin, sweat sticking between them as he slid against her with force, and with ease. She couldn’t move, could barely breathe, trapped between him and the wall before her as her vision blurred white and her body came undone.  
  
Before the war, she’d never had more than one orgasm in a night.  
  
With a few short, final, thrusts he was spent, shaking against her back as she struggled to stand with knees that had forgotten how to be knees. He helped her to the ground with one arm around her waist before collapsing, resting his head in her lap. She traced her nails across his scalp, pleased with his sleepy smile even as she remembered that they’d have to find their way to a bed before morning.  
  
Nora had never loved anyone else the way that she loved Hancock, either. Ruthless but gentle with his heart on his sleeve, he was the irradiated phoenix from the ashes of nuclear catastrophe. She saw him, still content and sluggish and pouting as she stole his coat to cover herself, and her heart hurt from the weight of her love for him.  
  
That didn’t mean that she hadn’t loved Nate, too.

* * *

  
  
“So tell me about this crush.” Nora lay to his side, her arms folded over his chest while she traced fingers over the scars and divots that marked him. Hancock wasn’t an early riser, particularly after their late night/early morning sneak back into bed.  
  
He groaned, turning his head slightly and trying to cover his eyes.  
  
She leaned up to place a quick kiss to his cheek. “There. Now you can wake up. Will you please tell me about your crush?”  
  
“Why d’you wanna know so bad?” He grunted, fumbling for an inhaler of jet on the nightstand. “Thought we agreed last night that it didn’t matter. I got you.”  
  
“Maybe I’m still curious,” she said. “You two clearly knew each other from before I was around.”  
  
“How d’you figure that?”  
  
“You said you came from Diamond City, and Nick had been there years before McDonough was elected. Plus, when we first got back to Sanctuary you asked him about Skinny Malone and if he was okay. I hadn’t told you about Vault 114 yet.”  
  
He groaned. “You’re too smart for your own good.”  
  
“And you usually love talking about yourself.”  
  
“Yeah, well, Nick’s been… something.” Hancock took a hit of the inhaler, pausing to offer it to Nora before setting it back down in its place. “Was barely out of school when I met him. Nick was the first person in the city who seemed like he gave a damn about someone besides himself, and the people still treated him like shit. But he kept his head up, kept his dignity. I just— ugh, feels fucking stupid to say this out loud, you know that?”  
  
“I promise not to laugh.”  
  
Hancock gave a weak smile. “I thought this was the kinda world where you had to be a prick to survive. Kill or be killed and all that. I’m real fucking glad Nick proved me wrong on that front."

"Aren't we both."

"Half of what I did back then was to try to get his attention, you know that? But I’m pretty sure all he saw in me was a low-life junkie.”  
  
“Now you just sound like you’re not giving Nick enough credit.”  
  
Hancock shrugged. “He wouldn’t be wrong.”  
  
Nora smacked him on the shoulder.  
  
Hancock grumbled. “Ok, ok. He wouldn’t have been wrong back then. Better?”  
  
“Not really.”  
  
“Well I ain’t arguing with you, ’s too early. Anyway, nothing came of it and I moved on with my life. I kept tabs on him when I could 'cause, well, can’t have good citizens like that getting axed, can we? Hadn’t really gotten to see much of him in person until you dragged me back here and kept me benched for months on end.” He nudged her side. “It’s been… nice catching up with him. Good old Nick.”  
  
She wanted to smile at the fondness in his voice. “Just nice?”  
  
He eyed her once over, still sleepy and blinking back the sun. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were tryin’ to set me up.”  
  
Nora wasn’t really sure what she was trying to do. Any jealousy she might have had was gone before it had taken root, and she was enjoying listening to Hancock look at the past with a smile for once. They’d spent so much time discussing their misery, brothers from hell and picture perfect families frozen in time, but when Hancock looked at Nick for once there was nothing painful about it.  
  
“I’m still deciding,” she said.  
  
“You ain’t serious, are you?”  
  
“It wouldn’t be hard. You two were already holding hands.”  
  
“That was— he was making me feel better about you, you know that?!” Hancock growled. “Nick caught me feeling sorry for myself after we fought, and he sat there and talked me down like any good friend would. Now you’re sayin' I should leave you for him?”  
  
“Who said anything about leaving me?”  
  
It might have been the jet, or the lack of sleep, or any other number of things that had Hancock pausing for as long as he was. Nora watched in endless amusement as his frustration turned to shock, to awe, and back to frustration before settling on some kind of curious bewilderment.  
  
“Is this how things usually went before the bombs? You just… go around fucking with whoever?” Hancock looked at her like she’d just suggested ritual sacrifice. “I’m not saying people don’t do it but it ain’t exactly commonplace.”  
  
She shook her head. “It was probably less commonplace before the war, believe it or not.”  
  
He sat up a bit, rubbing the last of the sleep from his eyes as the jet began to settle in his system. He leaned in close, searching her face for something, or maybe just enjoying the prickling, sluggish pass of time before the acute effects passed. Nora sat with his gaze, used to this, waiting until he decided he’d found what he was looking for.  
  
“This isn’t some… I dunno… some trick to keep me around, saying I can see other people?" He asked. "I don’t need anyone else. And I don’t need to do this if you’re not really good with it.”  
  
Nora only needed to lean forward a little to touch her forehead to his.  
  
“If I’m honest, I don’t really know,” she said. “I haven’t done this before. But I care about you, and Nick has been a better friend to me than anyone, and if there's some way I can get you to smile more I'm not just going to ignore it.”  
  
“And if I take you up on this, you won’t be mad?”  
  
She shook her head. “Only if you forget about me. And somehow I don’t think that’s going to happen.”  
  
“It won’t. But I think you’re still forgetting one kinda big part of the equation here.”  
  
“Am I?”  
  
“Yeah.” Hancock flopped back on the bed, reaching for the dresser and for another hit of jet. “Nick’s still gotta say yes.”

* * *

  
  
“Well if it isn’t my favorite former icicle.”  
  
Nora always brightened when she saw him, his gold eyes illuminated and smile in place. Even with the weight of the most awkward question she’d ever asked him on her mind, Nora didn’t have to doubt that they would leave this conversation as friends.  
  
“What happened to frozen banana?” She asked.  
  
“Thought you said you didn’t like that one.”  
  
“I’m not sure I like former icicle either.”  
  
“Tough.” He said, always good-natured. “So what brings you out here, outside of humoring my nicknames?”  
  
“Well…” her ease began to fade as she thought of how to begin walking this delicate line. If Nora started talking him up too much Nick would stop listening, calling her lovesick and ending the conversation before it began. But if she dug right into it he might be scared off, thinking this was just a bedroom fantasy, or worse, a trap.  
  
“Must be important, giving you pause like that,” Nick said.  
  
“It is, and it isn’t,”  
  
“You feeling extra cryptic today?”  
  
She sighed. “This isn’t easy. Promise you’ll cut me some slack?”  
  
“Always.” Sharp eyes and a comforting smile. This was Nick she was talking to, she didn't have to worry with him.  
  
Nora took a deep breath.  
  
“What do you think of John?”  
  
“What, Hancock?” Nick raised an eyebrow. “He’s a good man, if a little rough around the edges. You did well with him. I’m hoping you’re not about to pick up his chem habit, though.”  
  
“I’m glad you approve.”  
  
“I do. Not easy to bring anybody together in this mess of a world, much less people who suffered like you two,” he said. “Does whatever heart I’ve got good to see it.”  
  
“Mmm. And what do you think about John… not as he relates to me?”

“Not sure I’m following.”  
  
“Well, what do you think of him as a person?”  
  
“Oh.” Nick paused, as if the thought had never occurred to him. A practiced reaction, as far as Nora could tell. “He’s… well, I already said he was a good man. I consider him a friend. Why?”  
  
“What’s going on between the two of you?” Nora asked.  
  
Nick liked to think he didn’t have tells, but she caught the way his shoulders stiffened and his eyes darted away. “Well, uh… not sure there’s much to say on that front. I've known him a while, and like I said. I consider him a friend.”  
  
“He mentioned.”  
  
A whirring hum split the air between the two of them, a noise Nora had grown familiar with in the heat of gunfights or brushing shoulders with the Brotherhood in the remnants of Logan Airport.  
  
Nick was overheating.  
  
“Now, I’m not sure what he told you, but I hope this isn’t some sort of accusation. We never—”  
  
“Oh. Oh!” She jumped to attention. “No, this isn’t— I swear, I didn’t mean it like that. Well I did, but it’s not an accusation.”  
  
Nick was still giving her a suspicious eye, so she did her best to ward off the confusion before it could take root.  
  
“I saw you two together a while back, when you were holding hands. John finally admitted that he didn't necessarily think of it as a friendly gesture," she said. "I figured that if you felt the same way about him, that you two should— should probably try exploring that and see where it goes. Please don’t look at me like that.”  
  
“Like you’re out of your damn mind?” Nick crossed his arms.  
  
“Frankly, I’d rather try it out than keep watching you sneaking longing glances at one another from across Sanctuary.”  
  
“Now don't be dramatic. Longing glances?”  
  
“Longing glances.” Nora crossed her arms. “I know what I saw. I have eyes, after all.”  
  
He reached for a cigarette, hands steady even as his whirring grew louder. “So let me get this straight. You thought that it would make more sense to come make a pass at me on your boyfriend’s behalf than let sleeping dogs lie?”  
  
“I did.” She squared her shoulders. “I want the best for both of you, and I… trust John. He won’t stop loving me because of you, and I’ve got a strong feeling that he won’t stop loving you because of me, either.”  
  
“…Wait. He loves me?”  
  
Nora could kick herself. She hadn’t meant to come on so strong so fast, particularly when Hancock was only just getting used to using the “L” word. But it was out there now, and it wasn’t a lie, and backtracking wasn’t going to help so she might as well just go for it.  
  
“Yeah. I’m pretty sure he does.”  
  
Nick’s whirring stilled, leaving only empty air and the distant bustle of the settlement between them.  
  
He paused. “Pretty sure or positive?”  
  
“Well, I’m not in any place to give him the third degree on his feelings for you. I can’t say for certain,” she said. “But I know him. I know the way he looks at you and I know the way he talks about you.”  
  
He took a drag, hands still steady. “It’s a big risk to take on a look.”  
  
It was an incredible risk, Nora couldn’t argue with that. Taking up with anyone was a risk in a world where a radstorm could wipe out a city in minutes, never mind the people who would kill you for a wrong word and get away with it. Still, Nora saw Nick’s fidgeting, his downcast eyes, the hope he was trying so hard to crush before it was able to grow.  
  
“It’s more than a look and you know it. Call this a calculated risk.”  
  
Nick stared her down, and Nora found his gaze almost too much to hold. She struggled consciously to meet him, unflinching, to show no sign at all of the nerves she felt.  
  
“When John was younger, I didn’t think he’d make it to thirty.” Nick said, and Nora tried to commit to memory the way Hancock’s name sounded in his voice. “Broke my heart watching him self-destruct. I’m pretty sure that by twenty his blood was more chemical than cellular. When he ran off with the ghouls, I thought that was it. You don’t lead that kind of life and survive. Idealistic kid sped up on chems, the ‘Wealth was gonna eat him up. Imagine my surprise when I walk into Goodneighbor one night on a case and he’s there looking back at me. With that shit-eating grin of his.” Nick smiled at the memory. “I never, well— you really think he’s interested in me?”  
  
“You’re adorable, you know that?”  
  
He huffed. “Tell you what. You never call me adorable again and I’ll give this thing a try.”  
  
“Deal.” She extended her hand, and he took it. Metal in flesh, they shook, and Nora did the polite thing and ignored it when Nick’s hum came back in full force.

* * *

It had been nearly two days since she left Sanctuary, the first day passing with relative ease. Nora had other settlements to worry about, other synths to escort, she couldn't spend all her time worrying. Hancock and Nick would have their time alone and she could finish her run out to Warwick Homestead.

The second day, however, began the creeping nag of doubt.  
  
Curie still tended to the campfire, now more ash than flame as the smoke curled up into the fading sun. Nora knew she should probably take more care to cover her tracks, that the ruined buildings lining University Point were not the safest place to make camp for the night, but she was physically tired and emotionally drained and right now she longed for the familiar.  
  
“This was once the University of Massachusetts, no?” Curie looked to the front of the building, now devoid of markers and with windows full of plywood. “Before the war, I mean.”  
  
Nora smiled. “That’s right. UMass Boston. In theory it was supposed to be an affordable school for everyone, but no one I knew ever walked out of there debt free.”  
  
“I am guessing you knew it well?” Curie asked. “It must have held so many great minds back then. All the professors, and students, and scientists allowed to perform their research.”  
  
“That’s debatable.” Nora laughed gently, wincing as her core refused to cooperate. A stimpak before bed, then. “I finished my undergraduate degree here.”  
  
“Amazing! What did you study?”  
  
“Anthropology.”  
  
It was such a different time back then, when Nora was a student. She had been lucky, comfortable, living on her parents dime and working through her classes with her eye on Harvard Law. She’d made friends, gone to parties, met partners before Nate. Once upon a time Nora would run up to Lauren Sosa’s dorm to fool around while her roommate was out of town. Lauren always said her boyfriend knew, that he didn’t mind. She said he was probably off kissing Shayna Cooper while she and Nora were occupied.  
  
Were Hancock and Nick kissing right now? Would they fool around?  
  
Did it matter?  
  
Lauren’s dorm was one up and to the side of where they were sitting, diagonally above Curie’s head, and for a moment Nora was simultaneously eighteen again and older than the earth. She had left Hancock with a blowjob and a kiss, insisting that he play nice on his date before he reminded her that he never played nice with anyone, and now she was left to fret about her boyfriend like a teenager before prom.  
  
_This was your idea_ , she reminded herself. _You have no one else to blame._  
  
“Madame, your foot is tapping. Are you in distress?”  
  
“Hmm?” Curie’s voice dragged her back to the present. “Oh, no, I’m fine, thank you.”  
  
“If this place brings back too many memories, we can always make our way back early. I am sure Monsieur Hancock will be pleased to see you.”  
  
The image of her walking in on Hancock and Nick tangled on their bed came unbidden to Nora’s mind. What did Nick look like under his trench coat?  
  
“No, that’s— that’s fine. I promised him another day and I’ll hold to it.”  
  
“If you insist,” Curie said. The last of flames finally flickered and died, leaving only a faint red glow in the pile of gray and black. Curie still didn't quite understand her new body yet; the need for sleep was still baffling to her and even the concept of laying down seemed foreign. Nora offered her help, glad for the distraction as she pulled out a scavenged blanket while Curie struggled to find a comfortable position.  
  
“Madame?” Curie asked, her voice small.  
  
“Yes?” Nora lay out the blanket, pulling it over Curie and hoping it would be heavy enough to keep her warm.  
  
“If it is not too much trouble, could you tell me what it was like to be in school before we go to sleep? I find my mind is often spinning while I lie down with nothing to do, and it makes sleeping so difficult.”  
  
Nora, knowing the feeling all too well, was happy to oblige.

* * *

  
  
As it turned out, Nora’s mind was perfectly able to supply ideas for what Nick might look like under his trench coat, and in several different iterations. True to absurd subconscious form, he and Hancock started their horizontal tango in her bed, continued behind the bar, then on the roof of Mama Murphy’s house before their grand, impractical finale against the window of Mayor McDonough's office.  
  
Nick looked to her, eyes too bright and too piercing with a smile too wicked to ever suit him as he snapped his hips forward again and again. Hancock panted and writhed beneath him, mewling like a harlequin romance heroine for all Diamond City to see.  
  
“He ever sound like this for you?” Nick asked, his voice scathing.  
  
The sun had only barely begun to rise when Nora woke with a start, heart thudding inside her chest. Curie still slept soundly to her side, so she covered her eyes and willed her body to rest before they had to move again.

* * *

  
They returned the next day, and Nora was relieved to find her bed empty when she dropped off her things. No one was hiding behind the bar, either, or on the roof of Mama Murphy’s house. If Nora had to take a guess, Hancock and Nick hadn’t made any not so secret excursions to Diamond City, either.  
  
The blur of red heading her way was also a pretty good hint.  
  
“Welcome home, Sunshine.” Hancock's voice set her hair on end. “Missed you.”  
  
“Are you sure?” She kept her voice light, hoping he wouldn’t catch any of her insecurity.  
  
“Damn sure.” He took her hand, placing it on his shoulder before sliding his arm around her waist. “Ain’t the same without you around. Besides, we got a whole lot to catch up on.”  
  
“Mmm.” She didn't bother trying to hold his eyes, he'd see right through her. “I’m guessing things went either very well or very badly. Which one was it?”  
  
“That depends. You feeling jealous yet?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Hancock was taken aback. Honesty wasn’t a usual talent of hers, particularly with matters of the heart, but in spending all this time with Hancock she must have picked up some of his habits.  
  
He spoke more carefully this time. “You regretting your choice?”  
  
“That depends. Did it go very well or very badly?”  
  
A smile. “You got us at some kinda impasse here.”  
  
“That means you have to be honest with me.”  
  
He wasn’t trying to catch her eyes anymore, instead turning to look just over her shoulder. It didn’t take a detective to figure out that Nick must be hovering behind her.  
  
“It was—“ Hancock trailed off, still looking over her shoulder for assurance. Something must have passed, because he met her eyes once more.  
  
“It was in-fucking-credible.” He started, and the rest fell out in a cascade. “You know I never thought Nick would spare another second for me after I left the city, but it’s—I got no words for what it is. He talks like a big shot, but wait until you get past it, Nick’s the biggest goddamn softie I ever met in my life.”  
  
“The both of you are so fucking good, you know that?" Hancock kissed her forehead to emphasize. "Never felt anything like this. For years I thought it was only the chems that could make someone feel so good, now I get why there are people out there who never needed to touch ‘em.”  
  
Nora hurt at first. She felt the scrape of his words, each one a gentle sting that passed as she saw his smile begin to grow. It was a lot for her to sort through, the happiness, the hurt, the nerves, the unfamiliarity, and that ridiculous distant whirring that told her Nick was waiting behind them. All of it together as a feeling wholly new and unfamiliar.  
  
She'd been quiet too long. Hancock's smile was beginning to fade.  
  
“Hey, this was your idea,” he said. “Don’t get me wrong, if you tell me you’re not good with this then it stops here, but you wanted honest and, well, that's honest.”  
  
“I know.” Nora ran a hand through her hair, scratching at the back of her neck. “I'm not— it's not that I'm upset."  
  
Hancock waited, treading ground just as unfamiliar. Did this keep him up at night, too? What about Nick?  
  
“I’m really…" She picked her words carefully. "This is new, and it might take some getting used to, but I'm really happy for you.”

"...That's it?"

She nodded.  
  
It took a moment for Hancock to relax, pulling her to his chest in a crushing hug. “Goddamn. You tryin’ to give me a heart attack?”  
  
“That’s what I’m here for.” She laughed, hoping to squeeze in some air through the compression in her chest. “You can calm down too, Valentine.”  
  
“No promises,” Nick said, his voice carrying over her shoulder. “This is one weird situation we're in, and frankly I’m still not sure I should be a part of it.”  
  
Nora turned to face him, resting her head on Hancock’s shoulder. “And if I tell you I want you to be?”  
  
Nick waited, hands in his pockets. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”  
  
She walked over, arms open in the offer of a hug.  
  
“No hard feelings?”  
  
After a moment’s deliberation, Nick took her up on her offer. She pulled him close to her chest, feeling his mechanical hum settle through her and the warm weathering of his plastic skin. He was anxious and stiff against her, and her heart hurt for his fear.  
  
“You’re my friend, Nick,” she said. “I want you both to be happy.”  
  
He nodded, and held her a little tighter.

* * *

  
Nora talked with Hancock a little more, and sat with Nick a little more, and she now kept a collection of snapshot memories dear to her heart, tucked away next to Nick and Hancock holding hands all those months ago. She saw Nick fixing his tie after Hancock pulled it loose, and a shared cigarette at sunset, and Hancock’s toothy grin whenever he was able to get Nick to laugh, and even their goodbye kiss when she asked Hancock if he could come with her this time. Each moment helped ease the sore bruise of her jealousy and replace it with a warmth that spread through her chest.  
  
Hancock told her more of the details as they trekked through Hyde Park; Nick had cared for John McDonough and grown to admire John Hancock, and decided that he simply loved John. Hancock hadn’t believed he was capable of really being with anyone until Nora bulldozed into his life, and all the feelings he’d tried to bury over the years floated back to the surface the second she told him she wanted him. Her bizarre dreams (“McDonough’s window? Holy shit.” Hancock had laughed) were for nothing, it seemed, as there wasn’t much to speak of under Nick’s coat and Nick wasn’t the type to be concerned about it. He and Hancock just wanted to be together, no sex involved, and now that Nora could see them side by side she wanted them together, too.  
  
“Guess it ain’t really that complicated, huh?” Hancock said, throwing open a desk drawer and pocketing the spare ammo inside.  
  
“I guess it isn’t.”  
  
“And you’re sure you’re not gonna stab me in my sleep for this?”  
  
“Well, not for this specifically. But no promises.”  
  
“Fair enough. Guess I’ll just keep counting my blessings for now.”  
  
She knocked him gently with her hip, nicking the last of the ammo before he could grab it (“you don’t even use a pistol, John.”) and shooting him the best shit eating grin she could muster. He mirrored her, the grin more practiced as he offered her the last of the 10mm rounds he’d found earlier.  
  
Hancock would never love anyone the way he loved her, but no one loved anyone the way they loved anyone else. She didn’t love Hancock the way she loved Nate, or Shaun, or her parents or Lauren Sosa. That didn’t mean it wasn’t love all the same. They'd been through enough loss, and if there was some way to make their family bigger rather than smaller for once, well, Nora wasn’t about to argue.  
  
Hancock couldn’t have picked better than Nick, either. Nora thought back to the morning she arrived in Sanctuary, of her offering a hug and Nick reluctantly accepting, a stiff gesture easing into genuine relief and care. She’d found him later, sat with him, commiserated about Hancock's flair for the dramatic over a laugh and a shared cigarette. Just as much as she couldn’t bear losing Hancock, Nora wasn’t sure she could handle losing Nick, either.  
  
Sweet, kind Nick who wouldn’t hesitate to put himself at risk for a friend and was old-world charming to boot.  
  
Nora froze, nearly dropping the whiskey she had just pulled from a shelf.  
  
“Something wrong?”  
  
She tried to shake it off, tried to think of John, of all the scavenging they still needed to do, of something beyond the weight that settled in her heart when she’d pressed her cheek against warm plastic skin.  
  
Well, shit.

**Author's Note:**

> And the heart is hard to translate  
> It has a language of it's own  
> It talks in tongues and quiet sighs  
> And prayers and proclamations in the grand days  
> Of great men and the smallest of gestures  
> In short shallow gasps
> 
> -All This And Heaven Too, Florence + The Machine


End file.
